The tale of the "eight dollar machete"

It was nearing the end of the fall 2009 adventuring season, and both Fatman and i were itching for some truly EPIC adventuring. we decided that since our weekends were longer now (sunday and monday) we needed to set our sights farther from "home". there was a location that fatman had visited a few years prior and was eager to get back to. after what seemed like a few long seconds of encouragement i was in. action, adventure, risk and rewards; these were the ideas that almost instantly got me to agree to go camping in the middle of a vast amount of desert in mid-late fall.

Sunday rolled around and we began our rituals that we were becoming habit on our cherished days off. sleep in, followed by making sure the gear was packed properly and the cameras were charged. since we were doing some actual camping this time we stopped at our local neighborhood "national chain store that i refuse to endorse but don't have much of a choice here". additional water and food supplies were procured and while looking over the camping/outdoors section, i noticed this devise that i have always been enamored with. some call it "machete" i will now call it my oversized multitool, but i will get into more detail about that later. the best part was it was a steal at eight dollars! i mean who doesnt love a deal, i know i do. if this thing was even relatively sharp i could find some uses for it. so we paid our bill and were on the road.

Now for any of you that have driven across the country you might have driven this section of nowhere. there is a 100 mile stretch of highway in Utah that boasts an amazing 0 exits for services. well about halfway across this expanse we made a turn to the south, and continued down another smaller highway for quite a while longer and finally we had arrived after 5 hours of being in a car.

Ok i dont currently remember the name of the place we were, but im not sure i should tell you that anyway... i will say if you are going to go wandering off in the desert far beyond any services make sure you have a rough destination and some kind of plan. adventuring may seem like all fun and games but running out of gas many, many miles away from other people or much less a fueling station, may wind up being game over for you. we took time on our journey to look over our gas mileage and how far out we were going and also checked our ability to have a return trip, because again having enough gas to get there is great! having enough gas to get back from there is even better. but we had arrived at our destination, an abandoned mining town, near a state park that we were planning on visiting, but the town was our real destination. we drove thru the early parts and i must say it was a beautiful place to put a town. as we were getting to a better selection of places to camp, we noticed another group of 2 suv's seting up camp. it goes to show it is in fact a small world. we put some distance between them and ourselves since part of the point of this was not to encounter other people. we came around a bend and up towards the top of a nice plateau. we decided this should be our spot, after some early investigating it seems someone had previously come to the same descision. but it was a great spot and they were nice enough to leave us a well constructed fire pit and a pair of benches made from large slate rocks.

We scouted around for the best place to setup tents and get prepared since it was already early evening. after finding a good place for the tents we scouted the rest of the mesa. it was an amazing view of canyons on all sides of us and across one of them was our destination not much more than a mile or 2 away. it was however very windy, enough to try to push you of the cliff edges, so we kept our distance when on the downwind side. then we proceeded to set our base camp. this is where the "eight dollar machete was first used, the ground was hard and i wanted to test its durability. so i drove my tent stakes into the ground using its handle, it broke. one corner snapped clean off revealing the rest of the handle to be hollow. i still used it to set the rest of the stakes, making sure to hit only on the center of the handle, being that the tang did run all the way thru the handle. this is also where the great tent fiasco of 09 comes in. the tent i have and brought is an ultra light shelter made by Go-Lite. it is a great little tent in a lot of conditions. this was not one of them. with the high wind and no trees to set guy-lines, it had trouble staying vertical. after several attempts, i broke down and used the spare tent fatman had in the car. Rule #11 know your gear. the first tasks were done and adventure was calling so off we went.

as we got close to the first opening i noticed something intangible in the air. it is a thing i am not soon to forget. the smell, it was something of the likes i have never smelled before, rich copper with stale dust and just a twist of a sweet tar smell. we began our investigation with the parts that had the most remnants but quickly we learned there are 3 ways to close down an abandoned mine. First is to drive steel rod deep into the stone of the entrance, then weld a wall made of steel bars onto these rods. second, brick up the opening and then cover that in a plaster/concrete mixture. third and most awesome, just blow it up! by demolishing the entrance you prevent people from entering. now im sure they had reasons why they did different methods in different tunnels, build up of gases and such. but also because bats lived in some of the mines. a lot of people fear or dislike bats. i find them to be a splendid animal, besides being unlike most other animals they also eat bugs that annoy me. and as the sun was setting we saw them take to the skies for their nights hunt. soon it was dark and we were still on the side of a mountain, some would say this is foolish when you have a choice but i would say they missed out on the astonishing appearance of the moon sneaking over the peak of the mountain. we were not foolish enought to continue up the mount into rougher terrain without proper lighting. however the walk back well lit by a full moon was excellent.

We arrived back at base camp, this is when we both realized we had made an oversight... we neglected to procure firewood. normally when camping this is not a problem and you can find plenty of fuel around, however we are in desert country. we were not looking to make a roaring fire for all to see, we were making a small fire for some cooking and to warm up by. and yes added to my potential gear list is now a couple of small logs for fire. so we set out to scavenging, finding small twigs, and tumbleweed as tinder, some larger sticks as well. but this would only last a few minutes as a fire. then we found a gold mine, a stump from a tree that had long since fallen and been removed. again the eight dollar machete would have a chance to prove its worth. again it came up short, it was able to get far enough into the stump to get stuck but not even far enough to back cut for breaking pieces off. we gained more kindling. at last we found a tree that had died and fallen some time ago and would now serve another purpose, one or two of the larger branches would be perfect, the machete was slightly helpful here in bludgeoning a fault point into the branch so we could then break it free. not long after we had a nice fire going, which was good because it began to get cold. after some hot food and some sips from our flasks, a priority on my camping list preferably filled with a good whiskey, we were comfortable. the high winds were chilling us to the bone though, this led to a new invention...

"the butt rock" i know classy right? as i said before our benches were made from large slate rocks. well if you take said rock and gently set it over a small fire for several minutes that heat will penetrate the rock and you can then remove it. Let the outermost layer cool slightly and then go back to sitting on it and your seat will be nice and toasty for a good little while. i do feel the need to tell you outside of the desert this is not the best plan. rocks naturally trap moisture inside of them, rapidly heating them can cause pockets of air or vapor to expand and the rock could explode or at least break and crumble into your fire. so know your rocks. some are much better for this than others. after a quiet night under the stars chatting with a friend it was time to retire. Oh, the machete finally found a use it was a great fire poker.

by morning the surrounding area had all become quite chilly, but the awe-inspiring sunrise warmed my soul. we both thought our best course was to grab some food and drink and pack up camp, so we did. and the effort of scambling up loose rock warmed us just like we knew it would. we re-investigated what we had examined the previous night to find exactly what we already knew. no entry. but we were not deterred. no, were were determined. we kept on climbing dangerous inclines to be dashed over and over again. there were some great moments among this including me pulling some real Indiana Jones problem solving. after a few hours we crossed the outside peaks and headed towards the center of the village. some of the vertical mining structures were still there but again the mines was closed. we crested several peaks and looked over many cliffs, but could not find what we were after. for a while we played a fun game i call find the hidden mine, as some of the underground tunnels had been marked by small markers above ground. we found our way into the core of town. unfortunately all of the building had been cleared down to their foundations. we spent a while making judgments on what building used to be on top of what foundations based on clues that had been left behind or relative location. being now mid afternoon we decided to hike out. the operation was fun so it wasn't a total bust, and we gave it the best effort we had.

we followed a washout that was taking us in the approximate correct direction. it took us south around a peak we had not paid attention to before. it took a little extra hopping and skipping to get there but we did. there we found two mine entrances the first of which had been walled up. we might have also kicked it a little out of frustration. no, it did not move. the second we held our breath in anticipation as we neared. the entrance had been demolished but at the very top there was a tiny gap. after a little effort something became very apparent. we were not getting inside without some serious excavating gear, which we did not have. so with the final loss chalked up in the column, we headed back to the car. after walking 30 feet i looked to my right. right there in front of me, almost smirking, was a small tunnel opening. what i deduced was when they demolished the original opening it inadvertently opened this passage, which would make it much less supported.

because of certain reasons i am leaving out the details of this part. now, first we did do our preflight checklist of possibilities; cave-ins, check. gas pockets, check. Hantavirus, check and check. and last but never least radation poisoning (oh did i purposely not mention what they were mining here??? uranium...yep....) check. what i will say is, yes and yes it was awesome(some things just should not be written for just anyone to read them, sorry.)

Adventure being a total success, we headed for the car knowing we had only for sure eluded the cave-ins. time would tell on the rest. and i am still alive to write this, 6 months later. we found an information center on our way out, we were right about all of the buildings. it was a long car ride back with that same smell still ground deeply into everything we had. i also thought about making a new handle for the eight dollar machete when i got back, and maybe sharpening it. i am not sure how it would stand up against a zombie as is, and that is the real test. until the next adventure...

~make sure you get your money out of every "machete"

It has been a while... Adventure Overload.

It has been some time since i last wrote and many adventures were had since then i will summarize many trips to catch up.

In no particular order;
I went on an amazing hike with bearfood in Bryce Canyon, eight miles round trip, up and down in scenery that changed constantly. Which trail was it you ask? well it was fairyland loop. No i did not see a single faerie nor any other fey creature. That hike is kind of magical though, you will walk for a while thru red rock canyons, then up a steep hill, come around a corner and BAM! beautiful lush green forests (later i figured out why it was like this). You will weave back and forth between the two, As soon as you leave one side you are so amazed that you forget about what you just left and are surprised all over again. Last, this is where i decided that when possible it is better to do popular trails backwards. the scenery is the same but you dont wind up hiking next to people you dont know and dont care to chat with because you will pass them going the other way.

Frisco v2; fatman and I decided we needed to return with a much smaller group and spend the time that an abandoned mining town deserves. on that day we were joined by a very good friend of fatman. we will call him Dragonslayer, intelligent and fearless, he made an excellent addition and i would adventure with him any day and twice on sunday. many crumpled building and a couple of mine entrances were explored, but alas we could not find that elusive box of money that is waiting for us out there.

On a busy weekend adventure still had to be found. part of the day we spent doing what we must, so for the other part we did what we wanted. and this time it was road trip, or really just a long drive. i cant begin to tell you where we went. to sum it up we got ourselves good and lost and then found our way again. this was also the "one cow trip" because on multiple occasions we would pass one cow just walking down the road. doesn't sound like much but it was weird. oh, and they all looked alike, and no we were not driving in circles.

One weekend there was a large expedition to Las Vegas. While what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas i will say just a few words. I have a great story retelling my night that can only be done in person, it ends with me waking up on the floor of the kitchenette of my hotel room. Good times were had by most, gambling was done by some, epic stories were retold by few, but many drinks were had by all...

On another weekend we set off again for the beautiful Zion National Park. This time we were there for the Emerald Pools. this was a very nice hike albeit shorter than i was used to at this point we found ways to take our time. should you wenture on this hike i will give you some advice. go in spring, the water from melting snow and rains will be cascading off the cliffs and the pools will be fresh and full. in mid fall the cliffs are still spectacular but the "pools" will leave something to still be desired. Last, there was an incident of smoker vs. rock. Rock won this time but i will not be discouraged so easily.

Again, adventure called and we answered, this time i had a very good friend of mine visiting and i wanted to do something off the main trail, challenging but not dangerous. We chose a part of Zion's East Rim Trail. A wonderful long hike, unfortunately too long overall to not find a point to turn back and hike the path already tread. But, good enough, to not mind walking it twice in a row. highlights included some wildlife and many traces of more animals. it also has some stunning canyon views full of lush green trees. beautiful scenery and good friends, what more could one ask for on a lovely Sunday.

Meatfest 2 was a wonderful gathering of many people. excellent food was prepared for both dinner and breakfast, including some freshly baked blueberry pie for dessert. while this was more camping than hiking, a good adventurer makes them most out of what they have. after drinking all throughout the night once many had retired to their tents i decided it was a perfect time for a walk. accompanied by a friend we made a wide circle around the camp and then struck off up a hill, to find another view. we found one be sure at the top of a hill we saw the sun rise over the mountains in the distance. after this walk, i took a tiny bit of rest had a nice morning and then proceeded home to sleep the rest of the day.


There is a collection of road trips i have left out so far, so i will see to them now. I have driven 1900+ miles three times in the past few months. First, i flew home to Michigan to be part of and see my sister get married to a wonderful man. If you have ever heard the story about the best man who has his plane run so late that he cant possibly make his connection, and the wedding is the following day. With all the troubles and solutions involved i was "that guy". but hey i got to fly first class for free! then i drove back with a friend that was also moving out west for a time. Left Early in the morning and began driving, car loaded with stuff and supplies. I drove and drove and drove some more, stopping only when necessary. I stopped shortly after 2 in the morning, we had made it to the west side of Nebraska. The Following day i learned Colorado is the most beautiful state i have seen yet. driving thru in late summer is breathtaking.
The second, was the return journey in mid fall but this time i was free to wander as i wanted, so i drove thru texas and visited family. On my way here i encountered fog 174 miles of fog. as i drove on i looked to the horizon and thought "is that a massive cloud laying down on the job?". Yes it was. After a couple days in Texas it was time to move on, so my next stop was to visit a friend in Memphis, TN. This was a good time although Beale Street would have probably been more fun if it wasnt the off season. But, i like having a party street all to myself, well with friends. Crashed for the night and then back off to Michigan. With the exception of fog and a good bit of rain in Texas, weather had treated me very well. that is until about an hour from chicago when it began to snow. i dont think it really stopped from then on.
The last of these long drives happened very recently. my employment in Utah started very early so more driving here i come. i followed mostly the same path as when i drove before , with a few exceptions. i stopped to see some friends in chicago and took in a museum while i was there. The next day i left headed west, my target Omaha Nebraska. Two more differences; A. it was winter, B. i was driving alone(if you dont already know driving cross country by yourself can be a little maddening). so i was going to take the drive in a couple more pieces and not push myself for too long so i planned well. When i left Chicago, it snowed. When I left Omaha the following day it snowed. in fact everywhere i left it snowed. on the second day, on my way to Denver i looked south and saw a giant storm cell that covered the horizon. When i looked to the north i saw the exact same. But the weather gods smiled on me and i drove thru sunny skies all day long. I spent the night in Denver and the next morning headed for my new/old temporary home in Utah. Again I drive in sunny skies all day long and when i left Denver got snow. Final note i dont just mean a little snow i mean those giant storms that dumped feet of snow all over the states and shut things down all over.

The final story is the last Smoker and FatMan episode of fall 2009. It was so EPIC that it will, after all this time, have its own entry. I will leave you with this, it is titled "Eight Dollar Machete".

~"Find adventure in everything, everyday."