our new heros have embarked upon their first adventure little do they know the ramifications of what this little day trip will soon become...
Kanarraville - a stream? a small river? whatever the fuck you want to call it its water flowing over loose rocks. a perfect mixture for broken ankles and laughing at wounded friends.
Lets take a look at our cast of characters; first our leads,
The Smoker (yes i go first cause im writing the story) Crazy tall, Makes choices about as well as the pilot of the titanic and old. by old really i mean older than i think i can possibly ever act and most people i run around with. he has been smoking for way too long... i believe he bummed cigerettes to cesar... whatever... you will figure the rest out as i write.
The Fat Man, above average height and about 5,000 pounds and the shit that comes out of his mouth could make a corpse blush. he is really the leader of the pack here. this is mainly for two reasons; he has a car that goes places and much more importantly he almost knows what the fuck he is doing out there.
todays supporting cast includes; 'nam, Bearfood (who with a little luck will never earn her name), and wiggles (who hasnt earned her name until our next episode). oh shit and that girl i almost forgot.
we drive for a bit which really means i sleep so i dont know exactly what happens here. there are six of us so we put 'nam up front cause he's a big fella, but we have to two stack the smallest ones so wiggles and bearfood pile up! before i know we have arrived.
a nice walk over some hills down a former driving path. i'm told some bullshit story about how its closed to traffic for water conservation but as i look down and see huge cracks in the ground i think its really they don't want to be responsible for a car falling off a collapsing cliff. soon after we get to the water my memory fails me but i'm sure someone can fills me in. by the way i have leaned the best way to go hiking is to be really hung over or maybe just a little drunk still because the beginning is absolute hell but about 30 minutes into the hike you sweat out the rest of last nights alcohol and everything becomes much more pleasant. there is a waterfall that i cant now remember so we'll skip it and move on to the first landmark i can remember "the slide". Fatman runs right up drops his pack and down the slide he goes. apparently fat kids love two things; candy and waterslides. i see i rock i could probably fall off of so i climb on top of it to have a nice smoke break i mean it has been at least five minutes since my last one. everyone goes down the slide some go a couple times. i sit on my rock of judgment. some boring cutesy shit happens and we finally move the fuck on! somewhere in here is where i invent the awkward smoker walk, soon it will be famous to all the people walking by and laughing... we approach waterfall #2, fyi getting up things is always easier for me. its only about 6 semi treacherous feet tall. everyone climbs up safely and on we go. we walk for a while pretty views and such things then we get to what i will call waterfall #3 which is really where 2 big ass rocks fell out of the sky into the middle of the river. most of us see a better climb up around to the left, but 'nam charges forward and hops up the waterfall. so what does fatman do? he think i can climb up a wet rock with a shitton of water pouring down on me... to his credit he does it but is then stuck on the top of this rock which he then has to ass slide down. and again we move on. we have now learned not many people move past this point. until now the paths are well worn but now we have entered a jungle of groping bushes, cactus and fallen trees, all because this goes somewhere and we are too stubborn to stop. after bushwacking for another mile we find the elusive waterfall #4 a couple of us try to scale it but eventually we decide this is an excellent place to call the mission a success. we celebrate with water and some well earned jerky.
we head back over the mine field of loose rock and groping sticks pass by waterfall #3 no problem and move along, until that fated moment where smoker picks a fight with nature. let me explain traversing waterfall #2, there is a rope for the top half and a rock covered in water this leads to some sticks nailed together that people deemed a "ladder", this is standing on top of a log. let me say it again this "ladder" is on a log in a fucking RIVER!!! so as i begin my way down i get to the top of the ladder i cant get my giant foot onto the tiny sticks properly so the balance starts to go and i just say "fuck it!" i hold tight onto the rope push off the rock and out into the waterfall i go, let me tell you water is heavy! It feels twice as heavy when its cold. but i survived. fatman sticks to rule number 1 and follows the same path i do down the waterfall. after a short walk we are back to the slide, i give it a go and much to my suprise its actually a pretty good waterslide made smooth by ages of water and thousands of asses running down it. waterfall #1 goes smooth and we are soon on our way out.
in the end its a great little hike (we guess somewhere around 8 miles RT), takes some friends and some painkillers and have a blast!
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